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When Lateness Becomes Absence
If regret could kill,
you would have died
a thousand times.
If wit could cure,
I would have written
a thousand rhymes;
to defray the void
distancing the seams
holding you together.
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A Young Girl
There are so many
things i wish you understood
But the words you read
will never illuminate the
unlearned parts in you
What I thought I saw in you
burns as the truth soars out
In a hummingbird’s melody
There is a tartness to your beauty
A veneer around your intelligence.
An imitation of a women
Your just a young girl
Frightened and directionless
Yearning to discover
But never seizing the moments.
Wrap yourself up tight
Bite down hard
Brace your fluttering lips
You cannot be consumed by a shadow
So you will wake up unfilled
Naively wondering what causes
the absence
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Smile
Lost all feeling
somehwere
somehow
I see right through you
I want one thing
I don't care if it makes you cry
I will make you like me
I will break you
And it will give me a smile
My lies seep in
Like raindrops on your eyelids
You won't notice the change
Until it is already who you are
The scars on your skin
Tell your story
But we’re all alliterate
Aren't we?
So full of shit
Well, I never pretend I understand you
Hate me
You really want to see my violence?
Don't be so naive
How much do you really want to bleed?
It will only make me smile
I bought bullets the other day
And loaded my gun
Put my tongue down the barrel
But couldn't make it cum
Of all the stupid things I've said
I regret what was never done
Fuck the shit that brought me here
I am faded. I am numb
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The Choice of Hatred
The viciousness of your
denial screams slurs against
your character.
And proves, with piercing rancor,
that stupidity is bred with trust.
You are merely a veneer
There is no soul in you.
A foolish little girl
Forever caught in a junior high
mentality
I have tried to stay indifferent
I have tried to forgive
But I will no longer deny the truth
I fucking hate you
At a level no apology
could reach
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Ruiner
will I be the ruiner?
there is a truth
that should be told.
lying here on
the tip of my tongue
I taste the words
but remain silent
causing a stalemate
causing confusion
don’t go off wandering
call it infatuation
call it lust
call it be love?
can it be deeper?
can it be more?
We’ve connected.
you’ve reached
the core of me
but I won’t stop there
will I be the ruiner?
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Nightlight Love
We wake up in varied states
Pressing upon the wall that separates
need from the longing
for a love that shatters us
Then piece by piece
seamlessly makes us whole again
For another’s breath
passing between our lungs
is the sensation that keeps us believing
I thought you should see all
the sunsets and sunrises that you
might have been denied
So let me opened your eyes underneath a
Van Gogh sky
and lie with me
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December Trains
Delicate
Not fragile
I'm careful not to allow
myself to believe
Haunted by the reflection
of my past
My conscious is weighted
By the sadistic karma
I deserve
You could be
as beautiful as you seem
If I let the sensation settle
I can find the truth
That infatuation masks.
Then I think it could be real.
A few more days and I will cave
A few more smiles and I will be fine
Once more I think I’m falling…
Maybe this time
It wil be alright'.
It's a hard road to follow
It's a bitter way to spend your time
I lost my voice being angry.
And if I get afraid
Change is only a train ride away
Full of ghosts and misery
I can climb aboard and head
to the sea
A drink to toast the memories
Another to forget them
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She Wants to Burn
I absorbed your sorrow
And fed off your rays
Let go of my sanity
To lighten your day
I gave you a painting of colors
Which you chose to ignored
I became twisted and tortured
So you wouldn’t be bored
She wants to burn
She wants to burn
I found your heart
But you buried it again
I made you feel
But you numbed yourself again
Broken heals
You just gotta take the medicine
No chance to save you now
Where you’ve gone is way past sin
She wants to burn
She wants to burn
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The Moment Possibility is Born
The night lost its moon
There is no star left for the sky
In this moment of solitude
I lose the will to try
I ran around the avenues
Escaping inside any warmth given
I took shelter in the broken
But that was no way to be living
Through all the mistakes
Someone can accumulate in a year
I lost pieces of myself
The person I was started to disappear
The road I walked was more like rubble
The sunsets were always gray
My eyes became ceaselessly bloodshot
My heart began to rot away
Then your light shimmered
Like a refractor of change
I hesitate ‘cause of your age
But six years doesn’t reduce the flame
There is hope in your smile
I just don’t know if I can believe
There is soul in your eyes
I just don’t know if I can believe
I wonder where all this will lead
The clay is wet yet unformed
But that is the most beautiful thing
The moment possibility is born
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Kristina
You danced into
all the dusty corners
of my mind
and polished my senses
but you left without
breaking the void
now I only feel farther away
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A Girl Named Rachel
A soul filled with deceit
always trying to break you down
with manipulative words
"quotes from the heart" she says
this road has been traveled on before
still we give undue air to the spaces of her explanations
allowing the charade to continue
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Shivering
Waiting for the snow to fall
I close my eyes and recall
Headaches and choices
That broke my soul
It was simple
Maybe I was weak
Everything allowed myself to feel
Everything I allowed myself to think
It led me away from
My sanity
Now I’m just a mumbler
Reciting memories and regrets
There’s an empty street
With lampposts lighting the cement
I see all the footprints and cracks
Everything they paint over
It doesn’t make it go away
It only makes you forget it’s there
And I have forgotten
But I still can see it somedays
Shivering now
I lost my fire
All I feel is cold now
I run inside to heal
But I have no money
So they throw me out
There is pain in forgiving
Someone who hurt you
When you know they're not sorry
When you know they don't care
Words are meaningless
When spoken as an act of closure
I hate the thought
Don't look at me that way
Need is a weak little thing
Unfilled wondering beside girls
I never should have known
Need creeps up and begins whispering
I hate the sound
I just can't fall asleep
I'm waiting for the snow to fall
So it can bury what's left of me
Shivering now
I lost my fire
All I feel is cold now
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Aerial Psychoanalysis
Positively beaming -
In that rainy day no sun
blinding fog kind of way
Does that lessen the fact
you’re smiling, with gleams
in your eyes?
The context of the emotion
somehow puts a spin on
the realness it implies.
I hate the perception
Through all that falls and is
bestowed on me
The only pieces that connect
bring my fears and assumptions
to life.
Painting the vague shadowed picture
of what you want
of who you want
And it’s not me
Circumstance and pain lead us here.
So I come not as a white knight
but the consolation prize
The resort after the others failed.
You would swear it not to be true
But I could never take myself away
from that thought.
So I stay for as long as my ego
allows.
Soaking up any residue available
before moving away
Before starting over.
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A Blue Goodbye
Won't let the light seep in
Today, Tomorrow
Time is abstract now
All that I was
is all that I am
I never meant much
of anything
oh god
it is changing me
dear god
change me
I cannot stay here
There is no equality in love
Nothing fair in separation
I suppose the distance
leaves a bitter taste
so full of sugar and spice
I shoulda spit you out
Oh...
I should have held onto you
oh god
it is changing me
dear god
change me
I cannot stay here
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Scars
I scare myself nightly
I try to smile at the pain this ritual inflects
Yet I am not strong enough
to do that
I hope one day the need to tear
my skin
will be a forgotten memory
a star that once shone
I try to believe of life away from
It All
Away from this house
town
Away from myself
To a life I could have lived
If it wasn't for this shit
But I won't know
What will never be
So I close my eyes
Hold my breath
And walk through another day
Knowing I am blessed
KNowing through the blessing
I have scares
Slow Motion Spiral
I see a spinning star
falling away from gravity.
I see a burst of light
then the sky is missing
a piece of itself.
It leaves behind an emptiness.
A darkness that pulls you inside
and chills your soul.
And I know that it had died
before I even knew it exsisted.
It’s path in destiny
was already written.
but the brief moments
that I caught the beauty of it
makes watching its
slow motion spiral
into nothingness
a wrenching pain.
I want to hold on
To find a way to
break through the distance
and change the conclusion.
The sight of it is imprinted
in my memory.
I can only hope the
intensity lessens
and someday fades.
But never will I
allow it to be forgotten.
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